Thanksgiving is just around the corner, and what better way to celebrate this traditional holiday than with a heaping serving of funny Thanksgiving quotes? In this post, we’ve rounded up 71 hilarious Thanksgiving wishes and quotes that are guaranteed to bring a smile to everyone’s face faster than you can say, “Pass the mashed potatoes, please!”
We’ve sifted through more corny jokes than you can shake a wishbone at, to bring you the cream of the crop. From funny Thanksgiving sayings that’ll make you snort cranberry sauce out of your nostrils to sarcastic and witty puns that perfectly capture the chaos of a family gathering, we’ve got it all.
These 71 funny Thanksgiving wishes & cards aren’t just for show. They’re weapons of mass laughter, capable of breaking the ice at awkward dinner table moments or providing a much-needed escape from Uncle Bob’s long-winded political rants. So let’s check it out!
Save these funny Thanksgiving quotes
Save these funny Thanksgiving sayings on Pinterest, so you’ll know where to look for inspiration for next year!
Short funny Thanksgiving quotes
1) “Leftovers are for quitters.”
2) “It’s leg day!”
3) “I’m just here for the pie.”
4) “Happy sweatpants day!”
5) “Thankful for fat pants.”
6) “Merry Black Friday Eve!”
Also check out this list of 80 hilarious quotes about Black Friday for more giggles!
7) “Feast today, for tomorrow, we shop!”
8) “Talk turkey to me.”
9) “Calories don’t count on Thanksgiving.”
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Funny Thanksgiving saying about food & gaining weight
10) “It’s all fun and games until you have to unbutton your pants.”
11) “Thanksgiving, man. Not a good day to be my pants.” — Kevin James
12) “Happy Thanksgiving. Don’t forget to set your scale back 10 pounds this week.”
13) “Happy Thanksgiving! Or as I like to call it: Cheat Day.” — Hugh Jackman
14) “Happy Thanksgiving. Shot my first turkey today… Scared the crap out of everyone in the frozen food section, but whatever.”
15) “Happy Thanksgiving. May your turkey be moist and may no one use that word to describe it.”
16) “Thanksgiving, the joy of trying to discreetly unbutton your pants under the table without anyone noticing.”
17) “I’m thankful for the leftovers that will keep the feast going for days.”
18) “Time to be full… of thanks! Happy Thanksgiving.”
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19) “My jeans keep telling me no more pie… but my legs are like, we got you!”
20) “Time to call your mom and ask how long it will take to roast the turkey.”
21) “Let’s express gratitude for our prosperity while ravaging a beheaded fowl carcass.”
22) “Happy turkey day, bitches!”
23) “Thanksgiving, the day where we express tons of thanks and then go into a food coma.”
24) “I will eat lots of veggies over Thanksgiving… Pumpkin pie, zucchini cake, and more pumpkin pie.”
25) “Be grateful all year long, not just on Thanksgiving. Reserve that day for pie.”
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Funny Thanksgiving quotes about getting drunk and drinks
26) “Happy sneak off and get drunk with your siblings day Thanksgiving!”
27) “My favorite Thanksgiving side dish is vodka.”
28) “How much tequila goes into mashed potatoes again?”
29) “Wine and Xanax making Thanksgiving with family possible every year.”
30) “Thanksgiving is all about gratitude wine. It’s all about the wine.”
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Funny Thanksgiving quotes about family
31) “Tomorrow is Thanksgiving! It’s the day you forget about all the fighting and division in the world and just focus on all the fighting and division in your family.” — Jimmy Fallon
32) “Oh Thanksgiving, the pleasure of explaining to your relatives for the hundredth time what you do for a living.
33) “Thanksgiving is an emotional holiday. People travel thousands of miles to be with people they only see once a year. And then discover once a year is way too much.” — Johnny Carson
34) “Thanksgiving. It’s like we didn’t even try to come up with a tradition. The tradition is, we overeat. ‘Hey, how about at Thanksgiving we just eat a lot?’ ‘But we do that every day!’ ‘Oh. What if we eat a lot with people that annoy the hell out of us?’” — Jim Gaffigan
35) “Happy try to avoid talking politics with your racist uncle day Thanksgiving!”
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36) “Happy Thanksgiving! I hope you enjoy listening to your great-uncle’s never-ending conspiracy theories during dinner.”
37) “Don’t you love the privilege of being interrogated about your love life by your nosy Aunt Mildred on Thanksgiving?”
38) “For those of you who cannot be with family this Thanksgiving, please resist the urge to brag.” — Andy Borowitz
39) “This year we’re going to have a happy family get-together because I’m stuffing the turkey with Prozac.”
40) “May your holiday be the best dysfunctional family gathering ever!”
41) “Happy remembering why you moved 1000 miles away day Thanksgiving!”
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Funny Thanksgiving saying about the history
42) “Happy Thanksgiving! Just think… if the Indians had given the Pilgrims a donkey instead of a turkey, we would all be having a piece of ass this Thanksgiving!”
43) “Happy don’t bring up America’s history of colonialism day Thanksgiving!”
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Funny Thanksgiving saying & definitions of Thanksgiving
44) “Thanksgiving is so called because we are all so thankful that it only comes once a year.” — P.J. O’Rourke
45) “Thanksgiving: the only time of the year you can take a post-meal nap without judgment.”
46) “Happy dodging questions about your love life day Thanksgiving!”
47) “Thanksgivings: bringing out the best in family dysfunction since 1621.”
48) “Happy smother your feelings with potatoes and wine day Thanksgiving!”
49) “Thanksgiving is all about treating others as you wish to be treated. That’s why I’ve stuffed the turkey with Xanax, chocolate, and plenty of sausages.”
50) Funny definition of Thanksgiving.
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Funny Thanksgiving quotesabout Football
51) “The average time for eating a Thanksgiving dinner is 12 minutes, which, incidentally, coincides with halftime.” — Erma Bombeck
52) “I like football. I find it’s an exciting strategic game. It’s a great way to avoid conversation with your family at Thanksgiving.” — Craig Ferguson
53) “It’s a turkey-eating and football-watching kind of day.”
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Funny Thanksgiving wishes
54) “I’m thankful for elastic waistbands.”
55) “We are thankful we won’t have to see each other for another year.”
56) “I’m thankful for WTF. Wine, turkey, family, and friends.”
57) “Hoping this holiday is more blessed than stressed. Happy Thanksgiving!”
58) “On Thanksgiving, we like to count our blessings… You’re NOT one of them, but happy Thanksgiving!”
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59) “May none of your real feelings slip out this Thanksgiving dinner…”
60) “Thanksgiving, serving family drama as a side dish since 1621.”
61) “This year for Thanksgiving, I’ll be making my signature dish; a scene.”
62) “I’m thankful I don’t have to spend Thanksgiving with my actual family.”
63) “I’m thankful for your understanding that my greatest contribution on Thanksgiving Day is watching football on the couch.”
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Funny Thanksgiving quotes from movies and series
64) “You can’t have Thanksgiving without turkey. That’s like the Fourth of July without apple pie or Friday with no two pizzas.” — Joey Tribbiani from Friends
65) “Nobody put gravy in a corner.” — from Dirty Dancing
Funny Thanksgiving Puns
66) “Do you know which key is not suitable for opening any doors? A turKEY!”
67) “Why did the chef refuse to crack an egg? He didn’t want to whisk it.”
68) “My family told me to stop telling Thanksgiving jokes, but I said I couldn’t quit cold turkey.”
69) “We’ll worry about the Christmas tree later. Today it’s all about the poul-tree.”
70) “What do you call a running turkey?” “Fast food.”
71) “Knock, knock! Who’s there? Arthur. Arthur who? Arthur any leftovers?”
Save these funny Thanksgiving quotes
Did you save these funny Thanksgiving quotes on Pinterest yet?
Final notes on Thanksgiving sayings
And just like that, we’ve come to the end of our laughter-filled adventure through 71 funny Thanksgiving quotes. It’s been a wild ride, hasn’t it? Now armed with these comedic gems, it’s time to go forth and sprinkle humor into your holiday festivities. So, grab a slice of pumpkin pie, gather ’round with loved ones, and let the laughter flow.
Wishing you a Thanksgiving filled with endless laughter and joy!
